Preparing for the Rite of Passage

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My son is seven years old.

When I kayak with him, my enjoyment does not come from the peace of the river or the fall colors painted on the leaves. It does not come from quietly connecting with nature or stopping to fish for trout.

There is not much quiet.

My enjoyment comes from knowing that I am slowly teaching him how to become a man.

A Child on the River

On our first kayaking trip, my son could not stop talking.

We went with one of his buddies, so naturally, there had to be a competition. He had to be in front of his friend’s kayak. If we fell behind, it was his father’s fault. He had to see more turtles than his friend.

He wanted to stand up. Then he wanted to lie down.

Somewhere along the way, I got splashed in the face and hit with a paddle because he was not paying attention.

This was not a bad trip.

It was a trip with a child.

The world is still new to him. There are still many things for him to experience for the first time. While I am looking at the leaves, he is trying to figure out whether we can paddle faster than his friend.

We are on the same river, but we are having very different experiences.

Eventually, I hope he will learn that being on the river does not have to be a competition. He will learn to slow down. He will notice things that are easy to miss when he is busy trying to be first.

He will also learn to handle a fishing pole without making his father worry about getting a hook in the face.

Then we can fish.

Learning Responsibility

Children are not born knowing how to make good decisions. They need someone to guide them, give them responsibility, and help them understand what to do with it.

That is part of my job as a father.

It is easy to become impatient with a child for being immature. It is harder to remember that helping him mature is the work.

I cannot expect my son to know how to behave in a kayak if I have not taught him. I cannot expect him to understand responsibility if I never give him any.

For now, responsibility might mean sitting when he needs to sit, paying attention to his paddle, or listening when I give him directions.

These are small things, but they matter.

As he learns to make sound decisions with the responsibility he has, I can give him more. Guidance does not disappear all at once. It lessens as he becomes capable of carrying more on his own.

To be a man is to be responsible.

Being the fastest kayak on the river does not tell me that he is ready for more responsibility. How he handles himself when we fall behind tells me much more.

Preparing for the Rite of Passage

I think about a rite of passage as a recognition that something has changed. A boy is no longer simply being cared for. He is becoming someone others can depend on.

But before that change can be recognized, he needs opportunities to practice.

This kayaking trip was one of those opportunities.

We are preparing to kayak camp along the Manistee River in the Manistee National Forest. My son is excited about rustic camping. He wants to know whether he can keep up with his friend. He wants to keep up with the men.

He wants to prove himself.

I do not want to take that desire away from him. I want to help him understand what is worth proving.

Can he listen? Can he take care of his things? Can he do his part when something needs to be done?

Those are the things I will be watching for.

He does not need to be a man at seven. He needs room to be a boy, with someone beside him who is willing to show him the way.

A Different Kind of Enjoyment

Kayaking with my son is a different kind of enjoyment.

It is less peaceful than going alone. It requires more patience. Sometimes, it requires getting hit with a paddle and remembering that this is his first time.

But there is a difference between pleasure and meaning.

The pleasure of a quiet afternoon on the river is immediate. The meaning of teaching my son may take years to fully see.

For now, he is counting turtles and trying to get ahead of his friend.

And I am learning how to guide him.